Validation of the Self – You’re Doing It Wrong.

www.emilymcdowell.com
http://www.emilymcdowell.com

In today’s world of ‘everything right now!’ along with selfies, YOLO and “Love me the way I am,” I noticed something pretty interesting from a Facebook Post by a popular women’s page.

Validation:  To make valid. Substantiate. Confirm. (taken from Dictionary.com).

So, there is all this talk about how we should empower ourselves, love ourselves and seek validation from within… but, if you’re on the internet, you’ll see (as I have seen) anything but ‘self-validation.’

I just saw a post on Facebook about ‘Thigh Reading.’  Thigh reading is the newest ‘craze’ in self-validation (self-validation while trying to get 20,000+ people to agree with you, thereby validating you or your thoughts – aka… NOT SELF-VALIDATION) where you take a picture of your stretch marks and post it on the internet with the hashtag #ThighReading.  So, you post the pic, the hashtag, and maybe a little quirp about why you’re posting the picture.

Ok, I get it.  In today’s digital age of photo-shopping, more practically naked people than any clothing optional beach in the world and ‘perfect models,’ it’s a little difficult to get the good feels about yourself.  I struggle almost daily with my body image.

I don’t think me posting my small breasts, my big feet or my imperfect waist on the internet is going to help me feel better about myself – my body image.  And, who the fuck wants to see that shit?  I certainly don’t want to see that shit!

It floors me… it floors me because all these women want to feel validated.  Guess what?  Validation comes from within. It doesn’t come from umpteen plus Facebook likes on a picture of you in a low-cut shirt… it doesn’t come from you posting a picture of yourself with a caption that reads, “eww’ or “ugly.” It doesn’t come from you thin-shaming or fat-shaming other people because you’re so uncomfortable with the way you look.  Or, hey, maybe you love the way you look and you just like to be a total bitch.

There is no way more people don’t see this outcry of insecurity on the internet… Please tell me someone else notices this stuff.  Please…

I’m not saying it isn’t unheard of or wrong to feel less than great (maybe you had trouble fitting in your favorite jeans, or maybe your favorite jeans aren’t tight enough, maybe you are one too many mini-pretzels or maybe you’re just having an off day) and ask someone, “Hey, does this look okay?” or something like that.

Come on, you know what I’m saying, right?

I think the question is… what can we do about it?  How can we help women empower themselves in a way that is actually self-empowerment? Cause I gotta tell ya… outside validation is a nasty thing.  It is almost like a crutch. No. It is a crutch.  The more we seek outside validation, the less we seek inner validation (which is where true self-esteem and self-love come from) and that imbalance leads to a lifetime of disappointment, sadness and doing things for the wrong reason.

Self-validation is an amazing thing and it can only come from the self.  All those outside sources of validation are temporary.  They are temporary and if you don’t get enough of them you’re left feeling hollow, hurt or unloved.

Why would you want to put that kind of power in someone else’s corner?

What are your thoughts on this new wave of external self-validation?

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One thought on “Validation of the Self – You’re Doing It Wrong.

  1. I definitely agree with you here. Validation comes from within. There are times we need validation from someone we love, but that’s a little different – just so we know they do actually love us! There are so many people who have little to no self-esteem and it’s heart-breaking. We are all individuals created by a wonderful God. Get out there and like yourself! Treat yourself to ice cream and a smile! Don’t let your self-worth be tied to anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

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