Things I’m Good At: Procrastination

Story of my Life

Things I am good at:

  1. procrastination
  2. stalling
  3. last minute panic induced chaos
  4. all of the above

I have struggled my whole life trying to ‘find myself’ but mostly since 1996 when, thanks to a bottle of Ultram, I overdosed and was given the gift of short-term memory loss… Now, I am not as bad as Drew Barrymore’s character in Fifty First Dates… but I do some really dumb shit, forget really important shit and even once had a guy remain incarcerated (he and a male housemate got in a bit of a spat) because I forgot I had talked to him previously about saying he ‘lived with me.’

It went like this:

*phone rings, I pick it up*

Him: An officer is going to call you.  Can you tell them that I am living with you?  They won’t let me out if I have nowhere to go.

Me: Sure.  I can do that.

Him: Okay, thanks.

*hours pass, I have since interacted with my children at least three times (twice literally pulling my hair out), started making dinner, wrote two pages on a novel and smoked about five cigarettes*

*phone rings, I pick it up*

Person: Hi, I am calling to verify that B____ B_____ resides at your residence.

Me: Who? (scanning my memory… no recollection!  But I have to pick up some crickets for my pet spider!)

Person: B_____ B_____

Me: No, he doesn’t live here.

Person: Okay thank you.

Me: No problem.

What does this have to do with procrastination???

I don’t remember (you’re not surprised, right?)… whatever river raft I was floating on with that idea took a left at that fork.

So, I excel at procrastination.  Maybe switching up ideas is a part of that?  Like, Instead of writing about the original idea, I write about something else and that way, I don’t actually finish what I started.


I remember now.

My short term memory loss is annoying and I wonder if it leads to a severe case of procrastination to the point of it drastically impacting my life in a negative way. Whew!

For example, I will start on a project (writing; art; whatever) and it’s like I hear or see something and I am immediately distracted to the point of going completely off course.  I have done it three times since starting this entry.

I’m not talking about, “ooh, kitten videos on Facebook” and I lose track of twenty or thirty minutes.  I’m talking about “ooh, kitten videos on Facebook” and then two hours later I’m downstairs making myself a sandwich because my brain took a shit while searching for “make your own cat toys” due to watching kitten videos.  So, then I finally remember that I was working on a specific thing… and then I am just like, “Fuck it. I am too mentally and emotionally drained to do anything.”  So then I go downstairs and watch true crime shows on television making sure to remind myself how much my ‘life sucks’ when commercials with Jennifer Aniston come on the telly.

The mental ping pongery I inflict on myself is tiring and exacerbating.  I mean, I am trying to write a book, but in order to write a book, I have to read, and then I need to keep a blog and an online social media presence and oh yeah, don’t forget those pesky little things like: clean the house, make meals and go to an actual paying job.

So most days I do the bare minimum because it’s easier and then I don’t disappoint myself.

Hey, I got out of bed and fed the cat today.  Please don’t tell me you expect more from me. 

I also make lists, buy books, try to bribe myself (has this ever worked for anyone?)

Honestly, I just spent twenty minutes looking for a meme to go with this post and then got caught up in a post on Facebook about memes.

There has GOT to be a natural remedy for this freaking OCD/ADD procrastination crap.

By the way, I started this blog post two hours ago and should have had it done in fifteen minutes.

So my goal is to stop procrastinating and start doing what I need to do to get the life I want.

Right after I am done watching this squirrel in the tree and then searching for squirrel memes.


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